Pizza, Balloons, and Cake...Oh my!

So the weeks after I wrote last have been so crazy busy. I had Bella's birthday shin-dig, Mike's parents visiting for a week, family reunion, a sick child, packing for summer camps, etc. But even though it's been so crazy, it's been SO good. It's amazing what the Lord can do in your life when you are relentless about getting good time with him everyday. During these past few weeks, I've done a lot of thinking about why these past few weeks have been so good. The first and main reason of course is obviously just getting filled up with the Holy Spirit every morning and putting on my new self. But there are two other things that I've learned are needed in order to consistently see "goodness" in my life.

The first lesson I learned stemmed from a silly story about pizza. I'll explain. =)

So Bella's birthday party was coming up and as I was preparing for the shin-dig. I call it a shin-dig because I don't know how to do parties half way. I LOVE to entertain and love people so when it comes to a gathering I don't know how to go half way. It's a great thing BUT can def. get out of hand if I don't watch it. Many times I will burn myself out trying to do too much. So anyway, this particular birthday one of the big decisions was 'do we grill hamburgers for 30 people or order pizza.' Though COMPLETELY silly as it is, I debated this decision for weeks. Being that I knew hamburgers would probably be nicer I couldn't help not wanting to go with that option. Also, I knew this particular year Mike's parents would be there and since they never get to come I wanted to really make it special. Though hamburgers aren't neccessarily "special" they are an upgrade from pizza. So I was convinced hamburgers were the best option. But then I started telling a good girl friend of mine about it all and she encouraged me differently. She said, "Alicia, after the party you are going to have people staying with you all week and you can't afford to go into that tired. Girl, it is more important that you enjoy your company and your family then it is to wear yourself out grilling 30 hamburgers on top of everything else you are doing." After more discussion, she encouraged me to let it go. So as silly as it was, I surrendered my hamburgers and heeded her advice and decided I'd just order pizza. Then there were other things that I had to submit to Mike's authority on regarding the whole situation and let go as well. Well, as it turns out the week before Bella's party she and I both came down with pneumonia and had high fever and felt pretty awful. About that time, God spoke to my heart and said, "Alicia, what if you hadn't listened to those people in your life? You would have bought all this stuff and it would have gone to waste because you wouldn't have had the energy to do it all. You would have probably had a million break downs to your husband because you'd be exhausted and worn out. You would have been stressed and overwhelmed. You would have worn yourself out before having company all week. You would have missed out on the blessings I had for you...."

Though this is a silly example, God used this to remind me of the importance of not leaning on my own understanding and listening to those in my life that love me and know me the best. My friend, Marsha, knew of my perfectionism and control and knew I was prone to taking on too much. My husband knew the same. But, had I not listened to my friend telling me what I didn't want to hear and had I not trusted the wisdom God had given my husband, I promise you these last few weeks would have been anything but good. They would have been exhausting, draining, and definitely not a blessing. So reminder #2: listen to those who know me the best. God uses them to speak wisdom into my life.

The third thing God reminded me of was the freedom and goodness that stems from surrender. I have another story =)

So, the morning of the party I got up early and got some good time with the Lord. There I laid my flesh at his feet and prayed he would go before me that day and destroy my insecurity, fear of failure, perfectionism, control, and every other fleshly thing in me. I also prayed, "God I am know am prone to perfectionism and doing too much, so where I need to "let it go" show me."

So the big to-do for that morning was picking up all the balloons for the party. Well, the place that was supposed to have balloons ran out of helium. So I had to drive 25 minutes to get these stupid balloons. =). Anyway, I spent most of my morning dealing with these balloons only to arrive at the party location to find them 120% tangled in a ball. Evidently when I was walking these 30 or so balloons to the car it was very windy and evidently sent them spinning around each other. My plan for these balloons was to put a couple on every table. However, when it got time to put them on the table I realized there was no untangling these things (as much as I tried). I was SOO frustrated and was already running late which didn't help. Instantly, the Lord spoke to my heart and said, "Alicia, let it go". I smiled and thought, "you're right...thank you." So I picked up this big glob of about 30 balloons and sat them on the biggest table I could find and walked out.

Then I hurried to go pick up the cake. This cake was supposed to be big enough to feed 30 or so people and have a scanned pictured of the little einsteins on it. Well, when I got there and picked it up...not so much. Evidently they checked the wrong box and my little 8x15 cake I ordered was more like 3x5. Ugh! Well, about that time the Holy Spirit whispered again, "Let it go." So again, I agreed and picked a random one they had premade at the store and had them write little eisteins on it and left.

These stories may sound silly to you and I admit they are, but when you struggle with control, perfectionism, fear of failure etc, it's not easy to die to even silly things like that.

But that's not my point. My point in telling you those things was this.

Because I surrended to the Lord and listened to him every step of the way, I thoroughly enjoyed Bella's party and had a blast with Mike's parents. From that I was reminded and want to remind you that when God asks us to surrender and die to our flesh, he is not asking for the heck of it because he's God and because He's God we should fear him and do what he says because we owe it to him; so there!
No way.
It's because He loves us and knows us and is trying to work good in our lives and lead us into an abundant life. He knows our strongholds and weakness. He knows how the enemy is working to steal, kill and destroy from us everyday and he is saying, "If you will listen to me, I will set you free. I will lead you to a life you wish you had. I'll make you that person you think it's impossible to be. I'll make you that wife that seems so out of reach. I'll set you free from things you swear you can't overcome. I. am. good. I want good for you. I want you to run without all those chains. I know it's hard to die to your flesh. I know it's hard to lay down the thing you think if you do you'll die inside. Oh but trust me. I know it's hard to die to yourself and your ways...but never forget though it is death ...it's death for the sake of life."

Let me tell you guys this. Until I understood that one thing, I never had the power to do or be what I so desperately desired. Until I learned to trust his intentions for me and become convinced of his character I failed at every attempt to obey him because deep down inside I didn't trust him. Oh, but when I finally grasped that my whole life has changed.

When I got married and changed my name to Alicia Guzzardo the Lord spoke so clearly to my heart and told me the name change was significant in it's timing. He told me that the work he was going to do in my life would change every part of me to the point that I would look back and know that the habits and hang ups of Alicia Waldon would be gone. Over the years I have watch God set me free and is still setting me free from...fear of failure, insecurity, fear of death, etc. and I am learning how to be brave, trust my husband, not gossip, learn how to handle conflict, learn how to have healthy confrontation with my husband, learning to trust the Lord deeper, learning to walk by God's word and not my natural circumstances, learning to speak life over situations, learning to love from a healthy heart, learning to set healthy boundaries in my relationships, learning to not control and learning to rest, learning not to run to food or anything but the Lord for a source of comfort...etc.

I could go on but my encouragement to you is this, "Don't stop. Don't stop saying yes to Him. Don't stop trusting Him when you don't understand. Don't push away wisdom from others. Don't lean on your own understanding. Don't avoid pain now to experience more pain later. Don't take the 'easy' road out, don't give up, don't stop surrendering more and more of your life to Him. I promise that if you will say 'yes' in the times your flesh wants to say 'no' you will look back and marvel at a life you never dreamed was possible..."