So for starters, I've actually been doing really well. Here lately I've been majorly taking ground in some issues that I've been determined to overcome for quite some time (e.i, no longer picking my nails, submitting under Mike's leadership, overcoming deep rooted insecurity struggles, reading & growing a lot, etc.) Seriously, these past few weeks have been really amazing.
Then last weekend I started getting in this funk and couldn't get out. All week, I battled feeling so distant from the Lord. It's like I couldn't shake it. I'm so addicted to His presence now that when I don't feel Him close I start going into depression like I've lost my best friend. Then yesterday in my time with the Lord, he revealed what was going on.
Looking back, this past week I really struggled being obedient in the really small things. I realized I hadn't been heeding his voice in the small things that I normally don't battle with (e.i, eating, facebook time, distractions, etc). Then it's as if I felt like if I could do it real fast the Lord didn't notice. For example, I set limits on my social networking time (facebook/researching). So I would be like, "Lord, I'm just going to read this one email" (even though it was supposed to be my reading time)....but then I ended up getting distracted and an hour later realized I had just wasted all my reading time. Or, I'd be getting ready to go somewhere and putting way too much attention towards what I looked like. Therefore I ended up going somewhere more consumed with myself then serving and encouraging those around me....and consequently left feeling yucky inside and battling more insecurity because I went into it with the wrong mindset/expectations. I could go on and on, but it was weird stuff like that ALL WEEK. Nothing "major" of course. The enemy is too sneaky to do something obvious where I might catch on.
So, yesterday in my time with the Lord I started to piece everything together and began to realize what was going on:
If you'll remember, up to this week I had been making major progress and overcoming in some needed areas of my life. I've been so excited and feeling really victorious in my walk with God. As a result, I've been motivated to keep overcoming things in my life, even when it's hard. SO because of this the enemy started freaking out and, I believe, decided to start attacking my momentum. I'll explain.
The Lord reminded me yesterday that every decision I make, big or small, is building momentum either closer to God or further away. You see, success is motivating and inspiring. When we obey and overcome our flesh in the small things it gives us more strength to obey and overcome in the big things; hence probably the reason I started to take ground in the big things of my life because I was really focusing on the "small" things. So now it makes perfect sense while I felt under attack this week and almost started to feel defeated. The enemy was trying to attack my momentum that was moving me closer to the things of God. He knew that if he could get me to fail in enough small things and begin to see myself as a failure, then it'd sap me of the strength and confidence needed to conquer the "bigger" issues in my life right now.
More than anything, I was reminded by the Lord today that it matters...it matters what we do, what we say, what we fill out minds with, how we spend our time, what we fill out bodies with, what we dwell on. Everything. The reality is, it's all important because everything we do is either drawing us closer to God or further away. He loves us and wants to lead us to freedom and an abundant life where nothing in our life owns us, but He can't do that if we are ignoring His voice and conviction.
So I encourage you to start building momentum in the right direction by obeying Him even in those "small" things that we all tend to think don't matter. If you mess up along the way, don't worry. He's not there to condemn you but He'll lovingly offer you His hand, pull you up and say, "Let's try again." Whatever you do, don't stop trying. The enemy can't stop what won't stop.
Scriptures/thoughts from this weeks journey:
Hebrews 4:7 "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts..."
Romans 8:33 "Who dare accuses us whom God has chosen for his own? Will God? No! He is the one who has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? Will Christ Jesus? No, for he is the one who died for us and was raised to life for us and is sitting at the place of highest honor next to God, pleading for us."
Romans 8:37 "...In all these things we are more than conquerers through him who loved us"
1 Peter 5:8-9 "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Take a firm stand against him, and be strong in your faith."